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inner beauty of guilt

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"you really think if you keep asking for help or sympathy you are going to get it? you really think people are that unselfish, let alone to understand you and put your needs above theirs? you really think you deserve that, dont you? obviously if you keep groping around in the dark for a strong hand to hold you do.
well you dont.
its true, you are overreacting. you are overemotional. you are stupid for feeling this way. compare yourself to others around you. they suffer. do they sit there, letting their problems develop them? no. they do something about it.
oh, but you have an excuse. you try to distract yourself from the little pain you have, only to have anxiety attacks force you down in constant reminder that you are alone. you try to think positively, but you think so low about yourself that you have nothing positive to say. you do anything you enjoy, only to collapse under your weak, pathetic body in attempts to do so. you have struggled so long, battle after battle for happiness and love, only to destroy it. and now the final straw has been broken, and everything you have destroyed is now come to destroy you.
and you know what? you deserve it.
you are weak. selfish. IGNORANT.
-STAB-
you do not have the RIGHT to feel this way. you are too fucking WEAK to DEAL WITH THE UPS AND DOWNS OF LIFE. AND ALL THESE YEARS, YOU HAVE GROWN WEAKER AND WEAKER, GROWING FROM INDEPENDENT AND STRONG TO A NEEDY WEAKLING. YOU'VE NOTICED IT, HAVENT YOU? YOU'VE NOTICED YOU HAVE EXPOSED YOURSELF TOO MUCH BECAUSE OF DESPERATE NEED TO FINALLY BE LOVED. TO FINALLY BE CARED FOR. TO FINALLY BE SELFISH.
YOU'VE TAKEN IT TOO FAR.
YOU'VE BECOME SELFISH.
WEAK.
-STAB-
AND YOU DESERVE EVERY LITTLE OUNCE OF GUILT YOU HAVE FOR IT. EVERY FUCKING OUNCE. SO SAVOR THAT DEPRESSION. SAVOR THAT GUILT. BECAUSE DUE TO YOUR SELFISH PITY, DUE TO YOUR IGNORANT BLISS THAT THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE THERE, DUE TO YOUR SCREAMS FOR HELP, PEOPLE THAT YOU ONCE RELIED ON ARE NOW TIRED OF YOUR SHIT, AND ARE DISTANCING THEMSELVES, WANTING YOUR OLD, SELFLESS, STRONG SELF BACK.
BUT YOU CANT GET IT BACK. ITS TOO LATE. NOW IS IT?
-STAB-
YOU HAVE BRUISED YOURSELF TOO MUCH TO EVEN PICK YOURSELF UP NOW. YOU HAVE GATHERED SO MUCH GUILT FOR EVERY SINGLE SELFISH THING YOU DO, EVERY SINGLE WEAK MOMENT YOU HAD, ONLY TO BE OVERPOWERED BY IT. YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE BUT TO CRAWL. OR, HIDE YOURSELF UNDER A DIRT PILE, AND GO BACK TO PRETENDING HOW STRONG AND MIGHTY YOU ARE. MAYBE THEN THEY WILL COME BACK. MAYBE THEN THEY WILL START RELYING ON YOU INSTEAD OF RELYING ON THEM. MAYBE YOU CAN EVEN GET A BETTER REPUTATION FOR YOURSELF. OR MAYBE SOME RESPECT, FROM THEN AND YOU.
but until then these thoughts wont go away. this guilt wont go away. this depression wont go away.
because you are too weak to handle anything anymore.
good job."


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get it. beating yourself up. hahaha....
didnt try too hard on this eh. it was just something quick.
no critics or "are you ok" comments please just getting some steam off
maybe people can enjoy or relate

ew the eyes

edit:// original had a shadow on top of him holding out a knife but i suck too bad at shadows that it looked awkward and now you have this
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